DHARMA TEACHING

An American Woman Learning to Work with Anger
By Thubten Chodron

I came to Buddhism rather unexpectedly. As a child, I was curious about religion, and as a teenager, my mind teemed with spiritual questions: Why am I alive? What is the purpose of life? What happens after death? Why do people fight and kill each other if they want to live in peace? What does it mean to love others? Growing up in a reform Jewish family in a Christian suburban community in the USA, I asked my teachers and the religious leaders around me. Nevertheless, the answers that satisfied them left me dry.

Studying history at university, I came to learn that almost every generation, for hundreds of years, wars were fought in Europe in the name of God. Disillusionment with organized religion overcame me, for wasn't religion supposed to make people more peaceful and harmonious? In reaction, as a young person in the sixties, I took part in some of the social protests of the times, as well as turned to the various distractions offered to my generation.

As a young person, I had difficulty with anger. Afraid to express it outwardly, I followed the wishes of those who were in authority or appeared more powerful than I. Lacking any way to deal with hurt and anger, I kept them inside where they fomented. Sometimes the emotional turmoil of both my clinging attachment and anger led to depression.

I graduated from UCLA and, wanting to learn about life through experiencing it instead of reading about it, I traveled in Europe, North Africa, the Middle East, and Asia. I returned to the USA a year and a half later, wiser but still not understanding the meaning of life. Nevertheless since it seemed related to benefiting others, I decided to go into education, teaching elementary school in Los Angeles and pursing graduate studies in Education at USC.

One summer vacation, I attended a meditation course taught by two Tibetan monks, Lama Thubten Yeshe and Zopa Rinpoche. One of the first things they said at the course was, "You don't have to believe anything we say. You are intelligent people. Listen to the teachings; think about them logically; test them out in your own life experience. Use the teachings that help you in your life and leave those that don't make sense on the back burner."

"Whew," I thought. "Now I'll listen." If they had said they would tell us the Truth, I would have left. I liked Buddhism's open-minded approach and began to listen and to practice the teachings. As I did, I was surprised to find that what the Buddha taught over twenty-five centuries ago in ancient India applied to my modern American life. I wanted to learn more.

Instead of resuming my teaching post that autumn, I went to Kopan Monastery, Lama and Rinpoche's monastery in Nepal. My parents were hardly thrilled about their daughter once again putting on a backpack to go to a third world country. But for me, the spiritual urge was strong, and I had to follow it.

Once there I attended the teachings the lamas gave in broken English to the motley group of Westerners who turned up to listen. I reflected on the teachings, practiced them as best I could, and participated in community life. After some months, my wish to become a nun became clear. In the spring of 1977, in Dharamsala, India, I was ordained by Kyabje Ling Rinpoche, the senior tutor of HH the Dalai Lama. Although I had never imagined my life going in this direction and although monastic life is not for everyone, it has turned out to be a good choice for me. Living in precepts has made me aware of my actions, words, and thoughts, helping me to evaluate them honestly and to make wise choices.

The Buddha's teachings that our mind-heart is the source of our happiness and pain appealed to me strongly. Through meditation, I began to see that the attitudes and emotions I brought to situations greatly influenced how I perceived and experienced them. In particular, I noticed how bad moods and anger colored and created my experiences. With the help of my teachers and the writings of ancient Indian sages, such as Shantideva, for years I've explored the role of anger, and its opposites - patience, love, and compassion. My book Working with Anger is the result. Sprinkled with personal anecdotes, the book is accessible, humorous, and provocative.